“We cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance no longer can continue in the same predictable pattern.”

― Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

Part 1: Recognizing Your Signs

Check the behaviors that resonate with your experience:

□ Saying "yes" when you want to say "no"
□ Apologizing frequently for things that aren't your fault
□ Avoiding conflict at all costs
□ Taking on others' responsibilities or problems
□ Changing your opinions to match others
□ Feeling responsible for others' emotions
□ Difficulty making decisions without others' input
□ Neglecting your own needs to help others
□ Fear of disappointing others
□ Difficulty setting boundaries

Part 2: Reflection Questions

1. When did you first notice your people-pleasing tendencies?
   What was happening in your life at that time?

2. What are you afraid might happen if you stop people-pleasing?

3. Think of a recent situation where you put someone else's needs before your own:

• What did you do?

• What did you actually want to do?

• How did it make you feel?

Part 3: Your Personal Costs

Physical costs: (e.g., exhaustion, tension, stress-related symptoms)

Emotional costs: (e.g., resentment, anxiety, loss of self-identity)

Relationship costs: (e.g., unbalanced relationships, lack of authenticity)

Part 4: Building Healthier Patterns

Practice saying:

• "I need to think about it first"

• "I'm not able to help with that right now"

• "This doesn't work for me"

• "I have other commitments"

Remember: Setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's necessary for healthy relationships.

Part 5: Action Plan

1. One small boundary I will set this week:

2. One way I will practice self-care instead of people-pleasing:

3. One relationship where I want to be more authentic:

Part 6: Daily Check-In

• Rate your people-pleasing behaviors today (1-10):

• What triggered these behaviors?

• What could you do differently next time?

Reminder

Your worth isn't measured by how much you do for others. You deserve to have your needs met and to be authentic in your relationships.